The next morning she awoke with her stomach already in knots. The bright morning sunlight cut intrusively through her curtains, forcing her to end her rest sooner than she had wanted.

Grace throws them open and slides the pane up, welcoming the breeze into the stale room. The eastern edge of the field was empty. From her view she could make out Ethan moving hay into the stable nearest her house and from the fence she could make out two figures, neither of which she was looking for. Thomas and Owen, digging the hoe into a line of seeds. How strange to see Owen in the field, he never did seeding. Thomas was usually out for most of the morning, as he was now, but Owen? He never worked the field, except critical periods, like the harvest. But that was months away.

She dressed quickly and slipped out the kitchen door into the garden, making her way slowly to the fence. Surely Adrian would be by soon. The last few days he had been working the area nearest her fence, and hadn’t finished. He’d told her as much yesterday.

But that had been before. While she had expected not to speak with him for a day or so after their fight, she had not planned on not seeing him. Where was he? Following previous fights she would watch him work for a while to gauge his feelings. When he seemed normal she knew all was well, when he moved aggressively or harshly, or wiped at his head too much, tripped over his feet more, jammed the plough, anything, she could use it to read him and plan how best to approach.

Not the case today. Had she been harsher than she’d thought? He himself had been so cold to her. She hadn’t meant to say that. Surely he didn’t mean what he had said, that he’d leave. He wouldn’t. Adrian was so invested in their planning until that moment. What had she missed?

Regardless. Owen never let Adrian miss work unless things were bad. She could count on one hand the number of times he had missed working in all the years she’d known him, two days after their mother left, a few others for stomach flus. Not much else.

Instead she focused on Thomas. Maybe he knew.

Approaching her normal spot along the fence, poking at it uselessly. Thomas glances past Owen, his expression stern. She had not seen him look that way in a long time. Something was off.

Grace raised one hand and waved to him. He returned it without changing his face. She looks to him expectantly, but he puts his head back down and continues his task. Owen turns and clocks her before turning his back again.

She settled into the fence and stared at the flowers poking out of the ground. The tiny stems, the beginnings of the wild hyacinths that bloomed annually, crumpled around the fence posts, as though they had been crushed as they bloomed.

“Morning,” a voice calls to her from the other side of the fence. She lifts her head. Owen.

“Good morning.” She smiles, standing up to greet him. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, very.”

He stares deeply at her and his palms slide onto the top of the fence.

Grace takes a lock of her hair into her fingers. “Will Adrian be out later?”

Owen looks over his shoulder at Thomas, watching from his place.

“Adrian isn’t working today.”

A rock lands hard in her stomach. “Why not?”

He sighs. “I wish I knew, Grace. He didn’t have much to say before he left last night.”

She recalled the disdain on his face before he walked away last night. The bite in his voice.

I’m over this, Grace. Adrian’s words had nearly knocked her over. With or without you. I’m leaving.

But that didn’t mean? Surely he did not mean leaving immediately? That night? Then?

“He left?” Her voice wavers. He wouldn’t. He didn’t. Couldn’t.

Owen doesn’t break eye contact. “Last night. Seemed pretty worked up. Said he’d had enough. He wouldn’t say where he was headed.”

Her throat closes. So he had meant it.

She chokes on her words for a few moments. What had she done?

“I know that you two were close.” Owen’s voice is quiet, “Did he tell you anything?”

Yes, she thinks, he had had a lot to say about it.

She shakes her head. “He didn’t mention it.”

He tilts his head. “You’re sure about that?”

She looks up and finds him still staring hard, like he was trying to pierce her.

“Well. If he reaches out to you, if you hear from him at all, see him, anything. Please. Let me know right away.”

She nods quickly. He leans in and she steps closer.

“Between us. I’m real worried about him. He really hasn’t been the same since his mother left all those years ago. Hasn’t gotten out much. And given that he’s my second, I just worry that there’s no one looking out for him if he’s gone off on his own. Thomas I don’t have to worry about, you know?”

The tightness in her chest radiates up her throat and settles in the back of her mouth.

“Of course.” Her voice is unusually bright, but strained. “Of course.”

She twirls her hair harder, as it tangles around her finger it pinches her.

“Of course.” Owen says slowly, his eyes narrowing.

“I just mean… I can’t…I just can’t imagine how he must be feeling is all. For him, Adrian, for Adrian to have decided to leave like that.” She tries desperately to force her voice even. If even half of what Adrian had said about his father was true, the less he knew the better.

“Something must have really upset him if he was willing to go through with it.”

Owen’s brow furrows. Was he judging her?

She straightens her back. “Or, for that matter. How you must be feeling?” She gestures to Owen. A polite smile crosses his face.

“It’s been a tough morning.”

He lets go of the fence. “You’ll tell me if you hear anything?”

“Of course. And, please, if I can be any help at all. Let me know.”

“That’s real kind. Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

He raises one hand in a wave and walks away, leaving her on her side of the fence. She stays still for a few minutes, waiting to see if he would turn back. He doesn’t.

Her breath held inside her, painful. It strangled her. She couldn’t release it without letting go of something she wouldn’t be able to rein in.

He had actually done it. Actually left.

Or maybe she’d pushed him away.

She slides down the fence post into the grass, crushing the hyacinths underneath her.